“Through the trial”
About three months ago, I began one of the most trying trials, and spiritual warefare that I have faced as a Christian. When it first began, I was scared. I thought about trials in the past and how I had failed, and crumbled under the pressure. I thought what do I do now, and can I just pretend it is not happening. As this trial continued one thing I thought about was “how real it was” despite my efforts to not face it. Then I thought about other christians and how they appear to handle trials. As my trial continued on for a couple months I decided to share part of it with one of my dearest friends, my pastor’s wife. She said to me, Jan…”Have you fervently prayed about it and fasted?” I thought to myself….of course I pray….I pray everyday. But as I continued to ponder her statement to me God began to work in my life and show me what it meant to fervently pray. Never before was I awoken from a dead sleep with my heart burdened for my trail. Never before did I spend not just moments on my knees….but very long periods of the day, many times a day. As my trial continued I began to get closer and closer with the heart of God, and as it got tougher and tougher, I began to feel a deep love for my Heavenly Father, that I thought I knew…but became so alive to me. In moments when I felt like I had no more strength, emotionally, mentally, spiritually……I would pray. Part of my fear with my trial was to confess that it is so hard, and that my heart was hurting. I did not want to appear to others that I was weak or that I was an immature Christian because in my flesh I felt I could not handle this, and I wanted to give up. As I was begging God for comfort, he showed me…..
Psalm 119 76 “Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to thy word unto thy servant.”
I wish I could say that the trial has passed and is no more, but I can’t. It is still lingering. But what I know for sure is that God cares, that God is there, and he is my comfort. God is amazing in how he uses people to show you things from his word, or to make something that the Lord is trying to show you come alive. During these past few months I no longer read my bible to read my bible, but I have started to learn how to study it and get so much more from the word of God. I have learned through failures and success to not give into my flesh…not matter how much I want to,……but I need to be what God calls me to be, and that is to be above reproach. I have had times had moments of weakness in this, and the Holy Spirit quickly reminds me that I must now go appologize, but as I have success with this I find my burden lifted alittle more, and a little more. I have learned what fervently praying is and I have learned how to fast and stick with it. I have learned that God can be my comfort, and he is not only my saviour who died on the cross for me but he is a father to the fatherless….and he cares for me personally. I have learned through this trial about pride and being a Pharisee. During this trial God has spoken to my heart about waking up early and spending time with God. I have learned that going through a trail does not make you a weak christian, but a much stronger one.
In closing, if you are facing a battle, a trial, a difficult time, know that the Lord can by your comfort. Know that it is okay to confess that your trial is real. Know that God doesn’t want you to pretend that it is not happening, but he wants you to learn something from it, and Lastly, be encouraged that you will come out of it a stronger christian. For one of the first times in my life, I realized and witnessed what it means that “Nothing grows on the mountain tops, but only in the valleys.”
- There are no comments yet